It seemed to come from nowhere. There we all were bumbling along in that post Valentines glow/venom of smugness and/or bitterness (I say and/or as I’m both totally loved-up and yet somewhat hacked off that the husband seems intent on doing all those things he did when we first got together - it’s been three years of proper relationship, why hasn’t isn’t he fixed yet?) when out of nowhere came a plethora of irritation.
It began with Gina Ford. In case you aren’t familiar with the divorced childless harridan then she is the author of The Contented Little Baby book, a tome which dictates to the vulnerable (young, sleepless people living with a recently birthed parasite) how they ought to live their lives. As someone who is a bit boho if not quite earth mother I don’t really like her. Ok so I don’t have birth children but I’m generally an advocate of if it’s hungry then feed it, if it’s sleepy give it a nap and other such radical thought. That’s not to say I haven’t absolutely loved the husband and his ex-wife’s bedtime routine that has seen the husband and I enjoy evening after evening of drinks, movies and decent conversation but to me controlled crying just sounds like a fancy term for child abuse.
Anyway, she’s been in the news this week saying something I agree with (yes I do feel dirty). According to Gina - sorry love but you don’t have kids yet lecture us so you’re up there with Gillian on being on first name terms. Gillian who incidentally is utterly lifeless yet feels compelled to dictate how we should live - women should be making time for their husbands a mere four to six weeks after giving birth. I apologise but here is a Daily Fail link.
I get why women have been up in arms but frankly I don’t think that Gina is so wrong. Yes, the view reeks of handmaidenism (a term I leant this week) but isn’t it time to get real? Men often struggle after their partner gives birth and feel neglected. Suck it up scream the Mumsnetters, he should be basking in the wonder that the new life you graced from your loins. Well yes, blatantly but the guy needs the odd hug as well. Not because he might leave you if you don’t and not because you’re being cruelly abused if you do but because – crazy idea – you love him and want to hug him.
There’s this huge reluctance to embrace the model of womanhood as we see as perpetuated by the likes of 1950s characterisation. Now of course I’m a feminist and at a family meal failed to curtail an outburst at my mother-in-law for describing a family members’ recent return to work (after a stellar stint at being a stay at home mum) as having “a little job.” To my eyes this woman had been an excellent mother and despite being highly qualified was cautiously re-entering the workplace. I’ll not sit by and see a woman derided for giving up work to nurture her family and then rebuilding a life of her own once the kids’ need of her is diminished.
But what of his needs? The response is that he shouldn’t be demanding. Um, nobody said demanding, they said needs. Ah yes, same thing.
Except it isn’t is it? Men and women are different. A lot of should’s get lobbied about on Mumsnet but you can’t deride an ought from an is.
It’s basic meta-ethics people!
Because I love you and because I neither assume you have read various works of philosophy or that if you have that you can recall it in an instance, here is a short video summarising Hume’s Guillotine quite nicely. For those of you who know about Hume’s Guillotine and don’t need the video well have a biscuit and my admiration as I had to do a quick search to refresh my memory.
Your husband is grumpy because he hasn’t had any action in six months.
Your husband ought to appreciate that you are tired/grumpy/hormonal/frigid/other typical Mumsnet poster characteristic.
For the same reason I’m meant to respect the fact some of you worship a sky pixie? Give me a break. Actually try reading a book, give Plato a go and learn about the allegory of the cave by reading The Republic.
Or be lazy and watch this:
Excuse me while I vomit.
There’s a flip side of course. There was a thread on evo this week titled, What really turns you off a woman. It starts humorously but gets a touch dark in places as a misogynist appears. I can summarise it for you though, men get annoyed with women for being bat shit fucking mental.
Can you blame them?
Still, women are bat shit fucking mental. Deal with it or bugger off you grumpy gits.
Love and hugs to all!