It’s been a tricky secret to keep. For instance, there was the time I was showing my mum the cot and change station I’d fallen in love with but kept forgetting the link for. I know, I said, I’ll create a board on Pintrest! Ah yes, that public page that exposes my tastes and desires to the world. Fortunately I saw sense before clicking.
I had had my doubts about baby brain. I mostly attributed it to sleep deprivation and the post traumatic shock of incubating an alien life form and one day climbed out and destroyed the woman’s world.
But the aforementioned scan was our cue to tell the world. The husband and I are out of those nerve wrecking early weeks where it seems a million things can go wrong and now into those nerve wrecking later weeks where it’s unlikely that things will go wrong but you feel little comforted by this.
That and the fact I’m starting to look pregnant.
I’ll be honest, the first trimester sucked big time. A particular low point was emerging from the terminal at Bristol airport and half a dozen smokers being actively disgusting in a non-smoking area. Smoke being a major trigger for my morning sickness, I just threw up in front of them all. At least the time I threw up on the cat carried some minor comedy value. And the exhaustion! Thankfully I had bought a book that tells me day by day what the baby is doing and it certainly helped that when feeling like death I could take comfort in the fact I was bathed in the right kind of hormones as it grew a liver.
It rather puts your day in perspective when some people are starting entire organs!
The greatest comfort has been the husband who regularly tells me that if this were easy then he’d be doing it. He has treated me like some kind of warrior (albeit one that needs gentle care and the meeting of incredibly erratic desires).
It helps that he thinks I’m doing something important, something worthy of note and I think that partly explains my brain chemistry. My friend Samantha, never one to suffer fools, told me her tolerance for idiocy diminished to zero and I certainly feel that a lot of things are a bit pointless. Oh joy, I appear to be developing that smugness I have despised in breeders for so long.
But my priorities have become clear... oh slap me, slap me now!
There are positives to my new focus. I have found myself worrying less about work and strangely this has developed into a quiet confidence. If I can grow humans then I can supply clients. As such, in the last week I’ve been putting plans in place for turning my one-woman freelance business into an agency. I haven’t had too much time to worry because there have been prams to look at in the Mammas and Pappas catalogue. When it comes to work time I’m faster and more effective. I want to get it done so I can do some light exercise to ease my back pain and keep fit (some sources suggest that women who exercise regularly have labours that are up to three hours shorter).
There have been minor struggles, particularly with remembering dates but I’m adapting quickly. I had feared pregnancy slightly but I’ve found that my body knows what it’s doing. The days spent holding onto the sofa as I swan in a sea of nausea went quite quickly. It’s as though my brain slowed down to spare me the tedium of first trimester exhaustion. Pretty clever stuff.
My stepsons have been delightful which was a huge relief. They regularly enquire as to the baby’s “height” and we’ve compared their nano-sibling to them with a tape measure. I am very much bathed in a pool of contentment. That is when I’m not irate about every little thing. Like I said, erratic.
Baby stuff will be kept to Highlights and Hunter Wellies, my blog about my quest to be a West Country Yummy Mummy. It was somewhat abandoned when I found out I was pregnant but wasn’t ready to announce. For the time being I aim to try and read the odd newspaper, comment on the odd current affair and act like there is more to life than impending motherhood.