Oh woe is me! After feeling ever so quietly smug about being just about the only person in my address book (metaphorically speaking – I um, didn’t send any Christmas cards this year) to avoid catching the flu, as I drove to work what I had dismissed as the monthly super fun happy time began to feel more like impending death. Still, lets not exaggerate; if I had flu I wouldn’t be tucked up in a blanket on the sofa picking my way through a box of Hotel Chocolat’s finest and writing my column. But there is a dragging ache in my lower limbs and you could fry eggs on my forehead (as my temperature is rising and with it the skin that I’ve been winning my continual battle against eczema with it getting greasy).
And so time presses on. The fiancé is out – not at work I hasten to add; the clever man has got himself a new job and because he’s a super top secret spy (he says he’s an accountant but I think he’s just modest) he’s serving his notice for the old job on gardening leave – which means I need to get the column cracked if I’m to swoon and look helpless while demanding that he brings me tea and sympathy. It’s less convincing if I’m merrily typing away!
Speaking of time, Happy New Year!
It’s that heinous time of year when you feel bound to do something, to change something. Subtle forces at play make us feel that the personal flaws and unfulfilled aspirations that we can ignore at other times of the year must not be permitted to slide yet further. The guru types talk about not making resolutions but instead making meaningful long term change and with that kind of packaging small wonder we’re all feeling irritable. We’ve (I use the term collectively as Gloucester’s bin men are great*) only just had the piles of gift wrap removed due to snow still being used to excuse council tardiness, the last thing we want as we make our resolutions is more fluffy branding – we’ve already got enough food adorned with snowflakes to last us to Easter, we want our resolutions plain and simple.
My resolution is to lose weight. I do not however wish to make significant long term change. I want to lose a few pounds and then return to being joyously Nigellaesque in my attitude. I lost a lot of weight around the time I left my ex-husband (few things beat divorce for weight loss!) and some of it has crept back due to less walking and more driving, a desk job and various other factors. My plan is a fairly drastic diet that I will absolutely not stick to long term but which will nevertheless get me back into my thin jeans. Once there I’m generally more motivated to stay there. Post dramatic diet, smaller portions seem more palatable than immediately post Christmas smaller portions.
Will I be in the same situation next year? Probably, and frankly I’m ok with that. Last night required a little light corsetry. I took the fiancé for a meal to celebrate his new job and assistance was required. Of course when you slip into a basque that’s half a size too small, the result is that you look half a size smaller with an absurd cleavage. Unsurprisingly the fiancé sees no problem with this scenario. However, as I generally need to do more than vaguely resemble Christina Hendricks (very very vaguely), corsetry is not the answer.
But the bottom line is that I’m not deeply unhappy with my appearance. Where I was unhappy was a year ago when I began my blog as a quest for change in my life. That was truly desired change and as such I made it happen. Of course, the life coaches know this (I should know, I qualified as one!) and I think what they’re asking now is that those who are unhappy take charge of their lives for it is possible to change and find joy.
So while I feel a little woeful at feeling poorly and don’t exactly relish the prospect of a diet I do at least have the advantage of being in a better place than this time last year. I have read a few witty comments on twitter recently regarding people being unfair to the past and only looking forward and there’s an important message in that which the guru types have hinted at but (from what I’ve read) failed to adequately capture.
If you examine your life as occurring in stages (childhood, adolescence, early adulthood and so forth) then look at further breakdowns, one begins to better see the important areas for progression. Losing a few pounds starts to seem insignificant compared to say, an inability to hold down a job for more than a few months. When we look to the bigger picture of our desires we see the roots for motivation. Hence you may find the drive within yourself to train sufficiently to climb a key mountain but ultimately never finish War and Peace.
There are many traits and achievements dictated by society. You surely don’t want to smoke or be fat or be single or never own property says the majority. But what do you want? I’m sure I succeeded in certain resolutions last year because the results were what I truly desired and where I failed was where I set my goals by external standards.
If you’ve already broken yours then perhaps your heart isn’t truly in it yet. If that’s the case then I leave you with a favourite quote of mine.
I cling to my imperfections as the very essence of my being (Anatole French)
It’s a view I generally hold but for now I’d like to be a slightly thinner imperfect me. Also, I’d like not to develop full flu!
* Please don’t post our rubbish back through our letterbox.
And so time presses on. The fiancé is out – not at work I hasten to add; the clever man has got himself a new job and because he’s a super top secret spy (he says he’s an accountant but I think he’s just modest) he’s serving his notice for the old job on gardening leave – which means I need to get the column cracked if I’m to swoon and look helpless while demanding that he brings me tea and sympathy. It’s less convincing if I’m merrily typing away!
Speaking of time, Happy New Year!
It’s that heinous time of year when you feel bound to do something, to change something. Subtle forces at play make us feel that the personal flaws and unfulfilled aspirations that we can ignore at other times of the year must not be permitted to slide yet further. The guru types talk about not making resolutions but instead making meaningful long term change and with that kind of packaging small wonder we’re all feeling irritable. We’ve (I use the term collectively as Gloucester’s bin men are great*) only just had the piles of gift wrap removed due to snow still being used to excuse council tardiness, the last thing we want as we make our resolutions is more fluffy branding – we’ve already got enough food adorned with snowflakes to last us to Easter, we want our resolutions plain and simple.
My resolution is to lose weight. I do not however wish to make significant long term change. I want to lose a few pounds and then return to being joyously Nigellaesque in my attitude. I lost a lot of weight around the time I left my ex-husband (few things beat divorce for weight loss!) and some of it has crept back due to less walking and more driving, a desk job and various other factors. My plan is a fairly drastic diet that I will absolutely not stick to long term but which will nevertheless get me back into my thin jeans. Once there I’m generally more motivated to stay there. Post dramatic diet, smaller portions seem more palatable than immediately post Christmas smaller portions.
Will I be in the same situation next year? Probably, and frankly I’m ok with that. Last night required a little light corsetry. I took the fiancé for a meal to celebrate his new job and assistance was required. Of course when you slip into a basque that’s half a size too small, the result is that you look half a size smaller with an absurd cleavage. Unsurprisingly the fiancé sees no problem with this scenario. However, as I generally need to do more than vaguely resemble Christina Hendricks (very very vaguely), corsetry is not the answer.
But the bottom line is that I’m not deeply unhappy with my appearance. Where I was unhappy was a year ago when I began my blog as a quest for change in my life. That was truly desired change and as such I made it happen. Of course, the life coaches know this (I should know, I qualified as one!) and I think what they’re asking now is that those who are unhappy take charge of their lives for it is possible to change and find joy.
So while I feel a little woeful at feeling poorly and don’t exactly relish the prospect of a diet I do at least have the advantage of being in a better place than this time last year. I have read a few witty comments on twitter recently regarding people being unfair to the past and only looking forward and there’s an important message in that which the guru types have hinted at but (from what I’ve read) failed to adequately capture.
If you examine your life as occurring in stages (childhood, adolescence, early adulthood and so forth) then look at further breakdowns, one begins to better see the important areas for progression. Losing a few pounds starts to seem insignificant compared to say, an inability to hold down a job for more than a few months. When we look to the bigger picture of our desires we see the roots for motivation. Hence you may find the drive within yourself to train sufficiently to climb a key mountain but ultimately never finish War and Peace.
There are many traits and achievements dictated by society. You surely don’t want to smoke or be fat or be single or never own property says the majority. But what do you want? I’m sure I succeeded in certain resolutions last year because the results were what I truly desired and where I failed was where I set my goals by external standards.
If you’ve already broken yours then perhaps your heart isn’t truly in it yet. If that’s the case then I leave you with a favourite quote of mine.
I cling to my imperfections as the very essence of my being (Anatole French)
It’s a view I generally hold but for now I’d like to be a slightly thinner imperfect me. Also, I’d like not to develop full flu!
* Please don’t post our rubbish back through our letterbox.
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